Let's Break Stuff!

In an effort to my younger fan base, I have decided to let today's post be written by a special guest. So let's all click our mouses for Devon Peterson.

Thanks, stupid.

I love vandalism. It's so much fun getting into the back of Jason's mom's Camry and driving around late at night looking for things to bust up. Give me a can of spray paint, a permanent marker or a bat and it's bye bye mailbox. Or something. Know what's sweetest of all? It's friggin' October, man! And that means Halloween. And that means pumpkins! Candy too, but mostly pumpkins! Some people out in the 'burbs go all out and get scarecrows and ghosts and stuff. And that's when me and my buds go to work.

It's easy to swipe a scarecrow but I like to rip its head off. Or I'll write "BOOOOO" on the porch near a ghost. Because not everyone knows to be scared of a stupid ghost, am I right? But the best of all is smashing pumpkins, and I'm not talking about the lame-ass band. We pull up to some house with lots of pumpkins and and start stomping away or whacking them with bats. The sound they make when they break open is HI-LARIOUS!!!!! Then we run for it.

You think we care that some family spent money on that crap? Or that some stupid kids ran through a pumpkin patch and picked them out all by themselves, barely able to lift them but wanting to get that very one? You think it matters that those cute little kids will wake up in the morning to the sight of their prized pumpkins smashed to bits? Well we don't! Take that! Haw haw! Stupid families with parents and kids and everything.