For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, it's kind of like someone punching you in the stomach. But unlike really getting punched in the stomach, you never really get your breath back. In 5 hours, I had to pack up everything and say goodbye to 17 years of service. And while I'm sure everyone who told me it's for the better is right, for now I feel completely stunned and more than a little scared. So screw the ADHD. I have bigger problems right now.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I had planned on documenting my recent attempt to deal with ADHD. The first day was fine but I couldn't tell if anything was any different. I did blog more often than I had all year but was that the Ritalin? Well for now, we won't know. I was laid off today.
Monday, March 10, 2008
After around 15 years of having and office of one size or another, I was downgraded to a cubicle. This happened to the whole department, not just me. People who already work in cubicles will have very little sympathy for me but these aren't the cooler, more modern cubicles with high walls and a doorway. I sit in a section of 8 cubes, each one with walls no higher than 4 feet. In a sitting position, I can still see everyone around me. The lack of privacy is hard to get used to but I cope. Most of the people around me work in pharma so I get to overhear conversations that include terms like "unscheduled bleeding".
The guy behind me has a tickle in his throat. He's had it for some time. But unlike the tickle where you can clear your throat and be done with it, this guy's tickle requires futile throat noises that border on animal-like. It's a constant thing and really quite annoying. It got even more annoying when I overheard him telling the woman next to him that he wasn't too keen on taking medication for it. Thanks, buddy!
The thing about working on pharmaceutical advertising is the false feeling that you have whatever you're selling. At any given time, I believed I had diabetes, erectile dysfunction and an enlarged prostate. But then I started working on ADHD. Everyone at some time or another thinks they have it and they use it as an excuse for almost everything. The symptoms are common enough: distraction, disorganization, struggling to focus. Who amongst us hasn't had that? But having it for years and years...that's the clincher. And there are a number of self tests you can take to make sure. I did and according to my doctor, I definitely had it based on one test and was borderline based on another. I doubt anyone who knows me is surprised by this. My mom, who helped me answer questions about my childhood, was completely expecting the positive diagnosis.
So should I get treated? I was thinking about Strattera, which is a more gradual approach to getting relief. Who needs something as drastic as a stimulant? But my doctor wanted to try something that wouldn't take too long to get out of my system in case there were and problems. So he recommended Ritalin to start.
Will this help me? Will I finally stop putting off all those things I've always wanted to do, like write more often or be able to sit through a meeting without needing to get up and walk around? Will I stop staring out the window all the time? And what about my untapped potential? Is it possible that I could be much better than I've ever been once I'm more focused? That would be exciting.
So I'm starting today, March 10th. Stay tuned. Let's see what happens.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
It's a tradition for millions of people every January: the New Year's Resolutions. We all pick one or more things we're going to really work at in order to make our personal lives a little better. This leads to another tradition for millions of people: the breaking of the New Year's Resolutions. So on this first day of Daylight Savings Time, I decided to see where I stand with my list.
I joined the majority and resolved to lose weight. I'd had a few false starts on Weight Watchers after one very successful run where I lost 40 pounds. But I got cocky and haven't been able to stick with it. But this time, it would be different. No it won't. I've been getting larger by the minute and am starting to have a hard time fitting into my jeans.
I was going to improve my job situation. As of today, I've done very little to that end.
Writing. I was going to blog more often. So far, I'm averaging one blog entry per month. I was also going to finally get started on that screenplay or sitcom or short film. Aside from a couple of good ideas I have, there has been no progress in that direction. I do carry my laptop around in case I get inspired. Sometimes I even carry around a small notebook that a very cool creative director bought for me. That book has one page written on.
I was going to communicate more and stop making people guess how I'm feeling. Maybe stop being so stubborn and argumentative with certain people. If those people read this blog, they could attest to the fact that this hasn't happened.
I didn't resolve to find out why I can seem to stick to anything. But I have done something towards that end. I've decided to start taking Ritalin. Time will tell if that's going to be helpful.
Aside from all that, the first quarter of 2008 will draw to a close with one thing for sure: I suck.