Awkwaaaaaaarrrrrrd!

It's time once again to jockey for position at the local Hallmark store and purchase Mother's Day Cards.  The fact that there are still a few days to go and I've bought everything I need (I hope) means I'm ahead of the game for a change.

Hallmark knows that the definition of a "family" varies a lot these days and they definitely make it easy by having a ridiculous number of categories.  You have your basic mom and mother.  There's stepmother and aunt and grandma/grandmother/nana et al.  Cards from the pets are popular, as are cards for women who are mothers to pets.

This year, Hallmark seems to have added a new section.

Let's call it, "Awkward Moments." 

Sadly, this card is all too necessary.  I wonder if sending a "loss of mother" card on Mother's Day is really a good idea.  It's always nice to let people know they're remembered on a day like this but a card?  I don't know.  It seems like you're saying, "it's Mother's Day and just because you don't have one doesn't mean you don't deserve a card."  Are there Valentine's Day cards for people who have a partner who was killed in a car crash?

The "loss of child" one seems really inappropriate.  Again, I understand the sentiment.  But somehow I think a card reminding someone of a loss like that would just be too much.

Talk about specific.  I almost bought this for someone as a joke but held back.  I need to remember that my idea of funny tends to be other people's idea of bad taste.  The photo's a little dark but it says something about big mamas called that because they're filled with big love.  So there's one day a year that obese people aren't eating too much--they're just too gosh-darn filled with love!  Please...



Let's file these next 2 cards under "so how do you really feel?" I suppose I understand the "ex" cards.  I mean, just because someone's son takes off doesn't mean that son's mom shouldn't get a card.  I wish I'd looked on the inside.  What's could the sentiment be?

          "You're a fabulous lady,
            a woman of class.
            It pains me to tell you
                                                                        your son is an ass." 


Ouch.  This one is just cold.  I can only imagine how awkward this day is for kids who have a stepmother.  You don't want to get a Mother's Day card--that would be betraying your real mother. But there are lot's of alternate choices for this occasion, including generic ones that don't address anyone in particular.  "Dad's Wife?" That's making a statement.

I posted this gem on Facebook the other day and got the comments I expected.  As a man, all I can do is roll my eyes and laugh.  As a man who has female acquaintances, I have to step back and ask what purpose this card could possibly have.  Father's Day is a month away.  They can't wait a month for their own card on their own holiday?  Is there a subset of dads who feel left out on Mother's Day?  Seriously, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I suppose we'll start seeing cards that involve everyone for every holiday.

• To my favorite Protestant on St. Patrick's Day
• Merry Christmas to my Rabbi
• A Glorious Arbor Day to you and your fellow inmates

Well to all the moms, real or imagined, have a happy Mother's day.